9/23/2001 01:55:31 AM
sometimes i make myself feel bad, for no reason other then the fact that i can't do everything and be everything i want me to be, and then i sit on the couch for three hours and watch tv. i have a serious motivation problem, call it laziness or lack luster, but it's hard for me to get off my ass and resolve to do anything, much less stick to it. i second guess myself every five seconds: i'm happy, i'm depressed, i'm a goddess, i'm alone, i'm strong, i'm here? i feel guilty for wanting to do things i condemned last week, but i do them anyways. it usually turns out the same... i lose myself in doubt, and begin to revolve around other people, and other things, like the part of me that is involved with them, is the only part of me that matters anymore, and at some point it feels like the seperate parts don't fit well together anymore... fractured. it's hard to explain, without sounding self absorbed and pretentious, because seriously... introspectives are so boring.

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