9/13/2001 12:29:52 AM
today was strange. we all went to the mall and shopped a bit but returned in the afternoon. no major purchases were made though i did score some rouge pulp and exotic canadian candy bars. later i went downtown to look for a big lebowski sweater for husband at value village, the local thrift megastore. i was all disoriented downtown, like any minute hoardes of horrible people were going to crowd me. ex-boyfriends, sick twinkies i hated from highschool, people i used to envy or have crushes on, all over the place, smug, chuckling, bringing me right back to the pathetic insecure little girl i was before i left this place. i needed husband or moisha with me, i didn't feel safe. the bus took forever to arrive, and was full of people. there were some that had two floors, but luckily it didn't... i think i would have gone psycho if it had. incidentally i saw a commercial for a drug store based on their vast inventory of cosmetics, and the catch phrase was something along the lines of confidence is beautiful and it seemed ironic, but inherantly good. sometimes i feel like the little engine that could, and i chug and chug and feel great because i'm getting somewhere, but it seems like this hill goes on forever.

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