12/22/2001 10:19:08 AM
work was busy as hell last night. tonight will be worse. oh well. all my x-mas shopping is done, everybody's stockings are stuffed and i am crossing my fingers that the mailman will get my mom's package to her in time. yesterday i bought all the stuff for x-mas dinner, husband is drooling already. it finally got cold and windy though i doubt we'll see any snow this year. weird ass southern weather, can't figure it's own shit out. i've had a lot of migraines lately, mostly due to lack of sleep... a few days off will do me good. i lost weight recently. i don't know how much because i don't weigh myself or find our scale all that reliable, but my work vest that used to fit snug around the belly area now fits regular. husband says he sees it too. i'm sort of at odds with it at this point. you spend so much of your life feeling shame for a physical trait you have, then you do a lot of soul searching, maturing and working through issues to become comfortable with it, and yourself, and it changes... so what... was that all for nothing? i guess not, as long as i don't take on a self loathing motivation for change i'm fine. staying positive and casual about it is probably the way to go here. being okay with being fat was never about settling or enjoying fat itself, it was about being okay with me, and that can continue no matter what kind of crazy shit my body is doing.

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