1/02/2002 08:32:14 AM
i've written my magnum opus to management. i won't go quietly. i'm exhausted and plagued with a whopping headache but my mind is racing and i can't rest. i took a bath in delicious fruits & passions goodies my mother sent me for x-mas and i feel a bit better. i have more perspective anyways. i can't wait for her to call me. she is like husband. part protector, part shrink, part kind nurse, and part friend, with a bit of cuddly kitty cat love thrown in the mix. the only thing i feel happy about right now is coming home, because that's all it is to me now, home. this place is not home, it's a transient hotel, and the rut i'm in keeps me here. if it weren't for husband and child i'd be on a bus with a tote bag and a box of crackers, riding for days and days to get there. we can't be that mobile, but time passes and it'll happen soon. i know it. it must. this whole thing wouldn't be so sad and hard for me if i wasn't running on a few hours of restless sleep that ended yesterday at 9:30 pm. my eyes are stinging and i threw up twice from coughing so hard. it's hard to stay composed about upsetting shit when you're already a fucking wreck. i'm trying to stay positive, working on my resume, writing hateful yet diplomatic retorts. like i said... never quietly.

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